The Heart of a Heartsmith

The Heart of a Heartsmith

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You are Revolutionary.

Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you – is actually what’s right with you.
You see things others don’t. You are hardwired to change the world.
You can’t stand rules because in your heart you know there’s a better way.
You have strengths dangerous to the establishment – and it wants them eliminated. So your whole life you’ve been told your strengths were weaknesses – now I’m telling you otherwise.
Your impulsivity is a gift – impulses are your key to the miraculous;
Your distractibility – is an artifact of your inspired creativity;
Your mood swings – reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you’re high and deep soulful insight when you’re low,
Been diagnosed with a “disorder”? That’s society’s latest way to deny it’s own illness by pointing the finger at you. Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. Your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind – didn’t anyone ever tell you?! These are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries.

A Kid in My City

After a while of this my brain and now believing , that there is some under achiever kid in my City who have been stuck in a straitjacket practically from his birth and dangled over a tank full of High Expected Parents  also Educational Consultants and Remedial Experts all snapping at his ankles for the next twenty years arguing about his Special Needs and getting paid plenty for it also making Family Proud.
For that Kid . If there was ever a more perfect day in the history of time it isn’t he heard about. Down , depress and single. It’s not that he lacked virtue. But he never spoke it in the way he moved, the way he held a hammer, rowed a boat, built a fire. He was like a brain in a box, a beating heart in a coal-scuttle.
Although I would say he was such a courageous kid , He was at war , war that resides within him self and let me tell you if you haven’t been in a war and are wondering how long it takes to get used to losing everything you think you need or love, I can tell you the answer is no time at all. Even though that kid act brazenly under scrutiny and always risk no further injury to his wounded heart. Ah, the resilience, the blind, dumb persistence of youth.
He was in love ;  love with solitude. asking every one that if  there is a  better cure for the world than solitude. He still complains for don’t getting nearly enough credit in life for the things he manage not to say. He is just another kid who sits at the end of bus , rolling all the time, to know exactly where he belongs, Keeps a smile on face and waits for a miracle or a blessing to happen.

Karachi Bus – A cheap Roller Coaster Ride

Consider yourself, standing on the bus stop in the morning waiting for the minibus that runs after a period of fifteen minutes and like all youth, getting late for your class. Narrowing your eyes and there you saw bus who more represent a bus for specially dressed for upcoming Christmas festivities. For those who don’t know these minibus are segregated ;  men and women, they don’t stop to pick you up – they just slow down a bit, they are almost all the time over-crowded with people – inside and out and they also have an important contribution to the chaotic traffic in Karachi sometimes. You ran and luckily gets chance to put your one step on footboard grabbing the gate of the bus. Feeling pride on hanging out of bus  and enjoying some extra loud local music up to the point where  you won’t be able not even to hear your own thoughts. Swinging on bus like Spiderman comes the conductor “ Kahan Jana hay Jigar” ! with a mouthful of street desserts(Gutka) collects the fair  . Finally when you get to your destination hoping you would never make it is yet another reason to thank God for his mercy upon you. Traveling in Karachi buses is like a cheap roller-coaster adventure. In fact, I heard that the bus drivers are more often referred to as Bus Pilots instead of Bus drivers as their buses are almost taking off.

Ultimate Ride

What  better is transportation can even provide a big ease to the economy. With more people using public transportation will let decrement in usage of personal cars that will help in ending traffic issues and as well less consumption of fuel by the city will low environmental pollution too.

Worst Is Over Now

Of course, life is a rollercoaster ride, and there will be testing times we find ourselves swung around in between the ups and downs, but as long as you’re looking up, with a sense that the bad times won’t last forever, make the most of what you’ve got. We only live once, right?
I have a chemical in balance in my brain, which means that even if everything is going well in my life, I can still become victim to those seemingly endless, dark days.She told me there are triggers in life that could take me back to those days, and that I should remove myself from them.
there is a famous saying
“Sometimes you can’t remain friends with people in your life, because they hold you back from moving forward with your journey.”
They say the worst part is feeling like there’s something left behind. I don’t think there is anything there, because I never really opened myself up , I never gave  any part of me. And maybe this all did happen for a reason, but it’s all over now, isn’t it?
Just like newscaster says, the worst is over now.

Dilapidated

Everyday is a blessing , we  see people bustling around on their daily routine,
endless rows of office buildings and tenements teeming with activity, thousands of automobiles rushing somewhere important. And it all seems so solid, so permanent, so unmovable, so absolutely necessary.
But all it would take is one war, one riot, one dirty bomb, one natural disaster,
one salvation army, one economic catastrophe,  one virus to bring it all smashing down it’s not fiction it’s already happened before.
We see the Roman ruins today, and a strange thought hit over me ; how long will it be before someone is visiting our ruins?
There is a feeling that amongst the chaos, the fuck ups, drinking, more drinking, these long days and longer nights, there’s something more. These always is, sometimes we just don’t see it till it’s too late, sometimes we see it all along, we just choose “ignorance is bliss” over truth. I’m surrounded by people 24/7, yet still, it’s days like this I find myself staring out the window, trying to swallow this feeling down that in the end, I’m alone .Things won’t last forever, nothing ever does, but isn’t it nice to pretend? Why? truth hurts, so we lie. We play games, and we fool ourselves. Right? Left. What’s left? Truth. You. You’re somewhere out there, I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing, but I can feel you. We live in the same world, you and I. Yes, we
live. That’s not an option, it’s a choice.
Some days are good, some are not, others are whatever you wanted them ; the only thing that remains the same is that the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you to match it…!!

Losing One More

I was dying … of course !  but then we all are. Every day, in perfect increments, we  all were dying of loss. The reason of  help for my condition, then as now, is that I refused to let go of what I loved. I wrote everything down, at first in broken fragments, a sentence here, a few words there, it was the most I could handle at the time. Later I wrote more, my grief muffled but not eased by the passage of time. When I go back over my writing now I can barely read it. The happiness is the worst. Some days I can’t bring myself to remember. But I will not relinquish a single detail of the past. What remains of my life depends on what happened 3 weeks ago. In my brain, in my heart, in my dreams, it is still happening . I now fear to something and when I start being honest I  realize that am still young at heart… and yet they all say  to be strong…!!